Withered Orchid
by Missy Kitty Cat
Summary: When the orchid withered, pain bloomed. Years passed, but did the wounds heal? How much has life changed since her absence?
1. Withered beginning

_A/n: I just had to write up this idea, though reviews will make me decides whether or not to continue this. How does… Five reviews sound for a second chapter, huh? –Shakes tin can labeled 'reviews.'- Pwease give some love to this writer? _

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Detective Conan, sadly. If I did, well… I dunno.

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**_Withered Orchid _**

**_Chapter one:_**_ Withered beginning _

**_By: Kat-Chan_**

* * *

How long had it been since he had laid eyes on the classrooms in Teitan High school or even Beika? He couldn't recall nor did he care. He knew a long, long time had passed and he had long since grown out of his child body, however, not by means of the antidote he so badly wanted at one time. He had given up on it. There was no reason for Kudo Shinichi to return when _she_ was gone.

Kudo Shinichi, in a way, died with _her_ and he was only Conan now.

He was now the same age as before his shrinking into a child. He was much older mentally, though. Heh, it was funny how things had turned out. How differently they had ended up from how he always imagined them to be after the fall of the crows. Not that it bothered him anymore; lots of things were still blanked out from after that experience.

He moved on too or so he told himself. The present was now and the past was just memories, right? Edogawa Conan, as he was now and forever, would be a semi-average teen who would probably be considered a genius. "Introduce yourself to the class, Edogawa-san."

Glancing up at the teacher, he moved his eyes to the chalk board and proceeded to write his name on it. Conan turned to the class after his task. Many curious faces peering up at him stuck out as familiarity flooded him, but four faces really stuck out among the crowd. _'So even in high school they're together. I was hoping I wouldn't be in any classes with them,'_ He thought bitterly.

"I'm Edogawa Conan," He hesitated. "Nice to meet you all." '_Again._'

The teacher pointed out a seat for him to sit at; unfortunately it was in the middle of four all-too-familiar faces. Reluctantly, he walked over to the desk and flopped lazily into the chair. Adjusting his glasses out of habit, he jumped when a familiar, though slightly matured voice made its self known. "Conan-kun? Oh my god, Conan-kun, is that really you?"

'_Damn.'_

"That is indeed my name, who are you?" Maybe if he pretended not to remember them, they'd leave him alone.

"It's me, Ayumi! Remember? Mitsuhiko-kun, Genta-kun, and Ai-chan, we played together in elementary school! The Detective Boys wasn't as fun after you left… Be we're real detective now, Right?!" Did she even take a breath during that sentence?

"Yup!" Two male voices, Mitsuhiko and Genta, chorused.

"Still call ourselves the Detective Boy too," Mitsuhiko pointed out, matter-of-factly.

"We will never be as good as you are, Conan-kun! You were a great detective as a child, imagine how good you are now," He had turned around aiming a hard glare at the matured Ayumi. "You're probably better than Holmes now!"

"I'm afraid you're mistaken. I. Hate. Mysteries. You have the wrong guy," Was the cold, blunt reply as he turned around.

"…"

"But…!"

"Shut it, _whatever-your-name-is_! Stop acting like you know me, because you don't! It's Edogawa-san, I'm sure you learned formalities when you were children. I'm trying to listen to the lesson," He snapped, low and cold, never looking back at her. He could hear faint sobs as she tried not to cry and murmurs from behind. He tried to pay attention to the teacher as she yammered on, but failed. Her sobbing distracted him. She still cried so easily. It reminded him of…

His forehead slammed into his desk. His vision was flooded with imagines of _her_ beautiful smile and how crying never suited _her_. They faded to a memory that pained him and still tore at his heart to this day. Unwanted tears threatened to spill. It made him wonder…

'_Why did I come back? I knew I'd meet with them someday and I know they'll bring unwanted memories…'_

The reason he left was to stay away from all the people he once knew in his town. He didn't even need a high school education so he didn't see the reason he was in this class. He was home schooled after he left, his parent made sure he'd learn high school material and not the same stuff he already knew. So why did he let his mother talk him into coming back and going to high school again? He really wished he knew.

It was to late anyways.

"Can I go to the nurse?" He sat up; feeling people give him strange looks which he ignored them.

"… O- Okay, Edogawa-san. Do you need-" Whatever she had to say, he didn't care, Conan was out of the room before she could finish. Many of his 'new' classmates were probably just as confused as the teacher, to bad. He made his way down the halls, passing the nurses office; he never really planned to go there anyways. He found himself on the roof, pulling himself to the top of the roof's entrance. "Heh, I still know my way around…" The reminder of who he was before stung at his heart; the clouds he gazed up at seemed to form into _her_ beautiful face.

"This isn't the nurse's office, Kudo-kun," He nearly jumped almost three feet, gaze switching to the strawberry blond staring up at him, She had let her hair grow out a bit so it nearly brushed her shoulders.

"Sorry, but I'm not this _Kudo_ person, I'm Edogawa Conan." He corrected, harshly. He wiped his face, realizing that tears had spilt down his cheeks. Hopefully she didn't notice, but if he knew her as well as she did, she probably already did. "Go away, Haibara."

She opened her mouth ready to say something, but she stopped, changing her mind. He swore he found a glint of concern in her blue eyes. "_Edogawa-kun_… Mouri-san… Do you still blame yourself for what happened? You still mourn her?"

"I shouldn't have come back," He was a little surprised at the genuine concern she was showing for him, but… It agitated him too. "Go away, damn it! I want to be left alone…"

"It's not your fault she's gone, why do you continue blaming yourself?" Said Haibara in that tone which seemed to agitate him more, it was the same know-it-all attitude but it was kind and soft somehow. "Why can't you move on and be happy for Mouri-san? Wouldn't she want that?"

"It was my fault, Haibara! If it wasn't for me-"

"GET OVER IT!" She hissed.

He jumped down, scowling. Conan turned his back to her, facing the doorway. "I don't know how…"

He made his decent down the stairway, disappearing from the stunned woman's view.

* * *

As the day dragged on, Conan could easily conclude that his 'first' day of high school was a complete _joy_. There were many reason he hated his 'so-called first day. One would be the persistent memory of _that_ day. The day she left him all alone… The day all his misery should have ended. 

The other reasons had to do with his old 'friends'. The whole day they followed him around trying to force him to 'remember' them. Trying to make him rejoin the detective boys and trying to make him their friend again. Haibara left him alone, but she kept looking at him with that annoying look in her eyes. Why couldn't he be left alone?!

'_I really shouldn't have come back…'_ A sigh escaped from his lips, his gaze shifting to the sky. It had seemed to get his attention a lot today, but it was very unwanted. The clouds always seemed to form into _her_ face and caused _that_ memory to be replayed through his mind. The empty pain in his heart was something he wished to escape. Now that he had returned, he knew it was impossible…

The commotion of pedestrians filled the air, but only his footsteps seemed echoed in his ears. His sneakers slapped along the side walk, taking him along a familiar path. To bad he wasn't paying attention to where he was going. Conan walked into something, recoiling back onto his behind. Seeing a pair of shoes before him, he realized it was a 'someone' that he ran into.

"Sorry, I wasn't looking where I was-"

"_You!_" The venom in the voice sent chills down his spin, but the familiarity of the voice sent fear pouring through him. He eyes traveled from the shoes, up the stained, navy pants, and to an unkempt face of one Mouri Kogoro. The look in the man's eyes was something he never though he'd see coming from that man… Every instinct told him to run, but he knew whatever this man wanted to do, he deserved it. It was his fault that Kogoro's only daughter was dead…

"Ojisan…" His voice came out weaker then he had liked.

"_You!_" He repeated, pointing an accusing finger at him. He was lifted to his feet, suddenly, thrown against a wall. "It's all your fault!! It's your fault she's gone! If you never came into her life, she'd still be alive! You damn brat! She dead because of you!"

While still clasping Conan's shirt, Kogoro pounded his free fist at whatever part of the teen he hit. Pain flooded each time the older man's fist struck. One after another, each blow made with every ounce of strength in the older man. All his anger and sorrow aimed at Conan and Conan wasn't going to flinch or attempt to get away from him. He took every hit even when he started to tastes blood in his mouth and knew some areas of his body had been hit so much they started to bleed.

All the while, Kogoro repeated 'It's all your fault' while thumping his fist on the teen. When the man's anger seemed to die down and his hits became less painful, Conan looked up at him. He looked at Kogoro with eyes that looked as dead as he felt. "I know…" His voice even sounded lifeless. He slumped to the pavement as he was released, eyes cast up at the sky, tears spilling down his stinging cheeks. "It's all my fault…"

A sigh.

"Self-pity and anger won't bring her back," The sudden gentleness in Kogoro's voice surprised him. Conan's eyes darted to his face to find the anger and hatred replaced by something Conan didn't want to see, a fatherly caring. "It's not your fault… I was just angry… Ran always had an urge to protect people and you always got into trouble… I'm sorry, Conan."

The teenaged boy stared up at him, surprises erasing the dead look in his eyes. "O- Ojisan?"

A hand was extended out towards the battered boy. He stared at it, debating whether to take it or not. After a few long moments, he took the offered appendages and was pulled to his feet. "Let's go get you cleaned up."

"I- its okay, Ojisan… I can clean up at home…"

"It's the least I could do for pounding on you," He insisted, smiling at Conan.

"I don't deserve it…" He muttered, stumbling away from the wall.

"Stop with the self-pity, brat," A sharp pain split through Conan's head, adding to the pain he was already feeling. "What would Ran say if she heard you?"

He rubbed his unfortunate head, following the older man obediently. He never said another word after that…

* * *

Flopping into the covers of an all too familiar bed, the bandaged boy let a long sigh escape his lips. Reviewing the day's events made a well-known question arise in his mind, _'why did I come back?'_ Between the annoyance of old friends and being beat up by Mouri Kogoro (which he felt he deserved, but it didn't help his mood any), Conan could deduce it was his third worst day of his life. With another sigh, he curled up on his side, two picture frames captivating his gaze. "Ran…" 

In one of the picture frames, a beautiful, brunette young woman knelt beside a child with black-rimmed glasses, both had huge smiles on they're faces. The second was of two young adults, one of them was from the first photo (the young woman), and the other was of a rather familiar young man. He snatched up the second picture frame, looked it over, and threw it back onto the nightstand.

"I hate you, Kudo Shinichi…" Conan rolled over, turning his back on the nightstand with the pictures. "I hate you…"

'_Sorry, Ran'_

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_****_The barrel of the pistol took aim. The trigger squeezed until it clicked and the gunshot rang out. The boy closed his eyes, preparing to feel a bullet rip through his flesh. Instead, his back met the ground as the boy was knocked down, something warm and sticky splashing onto his clothes. Opening his eyes, he saw her laying over him… Her blood spilling over him. _**

"**_Ran…-Neechan! What are you doing here?!" The child asked urgently, fumbling with his words. _**

"**_I followed you…" A smile slipped onto her lips. "I- I'm glad I did… Y- You… Co- could… have been killed… I- I cou- couldn't stand… to… lose… Y- You…"_**

"**_Ran-neechan! You shouldn't have… Hold on! Please! I- I can't lose you! Hey!" He squeezed onto her hand; feeling her grip loosen, then tighten. "Ran-neechan… Please… No, don't die. Please, hold on"_**

**_She took off his glasses, looking closely at his face. Her smile grew, but knowingness filled it. "Ran-neechan…?" She cupped his cheek with a shaking hand, the other still clenching his tiny hand. Ran held herself up with her trembling elbow. The young woman lowered herself down, her lips brushing against his forehead._**

"**_I love you…" The light in her eyes slowly faded, the life draining from her like her blood. "Goodbye…"_**

"**_Don't say goodbye! No! You have to hold on… DON'T GO, RAN! DON'T LEAVE ME!" Tears spilled down his cheeks, her limp body falling on top of him. "RAN!!!"_**


	2. Sighting a withered orchid

_A/N: Yay! Thank you for reviewing, everyone! I already wrote up this chapter after finishing the first, so I'll try to do the same for the third. Enjoy and leave a review! Same as before. -Shakes reviews can.-_

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**_Withered Orchid _**

**_Chapter two: _**_Sighting a withered orchid_

**_By: Kat-chan._**

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The rain pattered against everything it touched, creating a lulling beat that seemed to bring out the sadness in people. The rain always made things so dreary and depressing. The way it dripped down windowpanes, matching the motion of tears descent down the face. It left everything so wet and muddy, too. Conan never liked the rain. 

_She_ used to watch the rain and listen to the drumming song that played out as the water droplets splashed down on the world.

The rain sent a fresh ache through his heart. He sighed. It was also the worst day to sleep in and forget an umbrella. An agonizingly familiar school uniform clung to his shivering body, his sopping wet hair sticking to his face. Conan was on his way to his 'second' day of school, splashing through the waterlogged streets.

He dragged his feet through puddles, reluctant to go to school in the mood he was in. Unfortunately, His foot caught on an uneven piece of the side walk. The boy tripped, landing face first into a puddle. He propped himself up, staring into the puddle with narrowed eyes. "This is just so _great_," He grumbled, venomously.

* * *

"Ha- Hachoo," Conan sneezed, slumping into his seat with a low moan. The moment he_ squeaked _into class sopping wet and disheveled, the questioning eyes wouldn't leave him. It was annoying. Hadn't they ever seen someone wet before?! Oh… The bruises from Kogoro's battering were probably the reason. 

He let his cheek rest on the desk, too tired from his sleepless night and the run to school.

"Co- Edogawa-san…?" Lifting his head, he gazed at the owner of the timid voice, Ayumi. A 'what do you want' look surfaced on his face complete with slightly narrowed eyes. "Umm… A- Are you okay? You don't look so good…"

'"I'm fine, mind your own business!" He growled facing forward again and letting his head drop back onto his desk. _'Here's the calm before the storm…'_

"That is no way to talk to Ayumi, Conan!" Genta hissed, pulling Conan up by his collar. He was spun so he faced the heavyset boy and focused on with a hard glare.

"Kojima-san, sit down!" The teacher screeched. "This is no way to behave in a classroom!"

The teacher was ignored and here was the storm. One of Genta's huge, tanned fists met Conan's bruised left cheek with force. The smaller, battered teen was recoiled into his desk by the strength of Genta's punch. The grinding of the desk as Conan crashed into it covered the crunch that came with the impact of his right side. "That is for making Ayumi cry the other day and being a total jackass since coming back!"

"Genta-kun, that was uncalled for!" Ayumi flew to Conan's side in a heart beat, reaching to help him up. Conan squirmed from her touch, pushing himself to his feet. "Are you alright, Conan-kun?!"

"Kojima-san, to the principle, I will not have fighting in my class room!"

With a silent 'humph' and glare, Kojima Genta left the room with a slam of the door. Watching the door for a few long moments, Conan was glad Genta didn't decide to come back and hit him again. He was already sore enough as it was. He winced when he tried to move his right arm. _'Damn, I think it's broken…'_

The teacher eventually followed Genta.

"Are you going to be okay, _Edogawa-san_?" It was Mitsuhiko. Conan looked over, into glaring eyes, and realized that cold way the question was asked.

"I'm just _fine_, but I think your friend might have broken my arm," Was his dry response. He probably would have phrased his answer more kindly, but he was not in a good mood. Getting punched by Genta didn't help any. He sighed, realizing how harsh he was being. It was a wonder Mitsuhiko didn't decided to lay a punch on him too. "I'm sorry… I'm just in a really bad mood today…"

"Its okay, _Edogawa-san_," Mitsuhiko sighed. Was he planning to emphasize 'Edogawa-san' ever time he said it? Conan figured he probably would.

"I _guess_ it's alright to call me by my first name," Conan sighed. "As long as you promise not to hit me if I get moody."

"Promise!" Mitsuhiko chirped, eyes lighting up. It faded as he looked at Ayumi, but something seemed pop into his mind and he looked back at Conan. "But Ayumi has to be able to call you by your first name too."

"Fine," He sighed. "Well, is Sensei going to be back soon with a doctor and an x-ray machine? My arm hurts like hell…"

* * *

Much to his delight, Conan's arm was only bruised and much to Mitsuhiko and Ayumi's joy, he had final agreed to hang out with them again (after a full day of being annoyed by them), though he refused to rejoin the Detective boys. Even though he didn't want to re-befriend them in evasion to memories he had blocked out, Conan was soft. Not only that, however, Conan knew it was useless to avoid it anymore. Being back in Beika, there were so many things to resurface the memories he didn't want and it was too late to leave now. Conan would have to truly move on and not just tell himself he had. 

Though, that didn't mean he'd ever be the same. How could he? He was Shinichi trapped in a child's body acting like a child before. Now he had become the child he pretended to be. There was no Ran to return to, no reason to be Kudo Shinichi.

Besides, Conan had become real and Shinichi became a long forgotten memory.

The bespectacled boy looked back at the times when he was Shinichi, an annoying nostalgic feeling pulling at his heart. He didn't want to admit it, but he missed the times he spent as Conan with her… They were always together then, more so then when he was Shinichi. Even if the time was perilous, there were happy times. Many happy times with quite a few embarrassing times too.

He missed it, missed her. She was dead now and so weren't those times. Everything he once enjoyed a painful memory forced into a dark void that had been created since she died. He would have preferred his amnesia from that time to have been permanent. He wished he still remembered nothing instead of having blank spots.

And those blank spots were something he never dared to pry into.

At the present, Conan was with Ayumi, Haibara, and Mitsuhiko at some clothing store in the mall; Genta had refused to come with them. Haibara and Ayumi had insisted they go, Ayumi mostly. He had learned that Ayumi had matured into a very fashion obsessed young woman while preserving her love for mysteries. Sighing, Conan glared at the dressing room stalls, growing impatient with the two girls. He wasn't in a mood for patience.

His stomach grumbled silently.

Well… It wasn't mood related actually. He placed a hand on his hunger aching stomach. Conan wasn't able to eat breakfast and it was long past lunch. He really wished they'd hurry up and they could go get a bite to eat. A stall door clicked open and Ayumi stepped out of the dressing room with a burden of clothes draped over her arm.

"Are you done yet? I want to get something to eat," Conan questioned, edgily. The sharpness in Conan's voice, however, went unnoticed as Ayumi waved him off.

"Just wait a few seconds," The girl smiled.

He waited; Seconds rapidly became minutes and the growing of his stomach growing louder. He could swear Mitsuhiko could hear his stomach rumbling away now because the freckled boy was giving him a very odd look. Finally minutes became a half hour and Conan couldn't take it anymore. His hands slapped down on the bench and he shot to his feet. "If you don't hurry up, I'm leaving!"

No reply. His lips curled down into a frown, eyes narrowed relatively irritably. "I said I'll leave if you don't hurry up!" He repeated with force.

"We heard you, Edogawa-kun."

The dressing room stall clicked open, Haibara stepping out. The young woman, he had to admit, was quite beautiful. The clothes she wore, currently, looked much better then the school uniform on her slender, curvy frame. He blushed when he realized he had been staring at her for the second time that day (When they first stopped at his home to drag him to the mall, he had been entranced by her). It made him feel guilty, though.

He felt like he was betraying Ran for finding Haibara beautiful, but he always had, even if he never said anything out loud.

He averted his eyes from her before she could catch on to his staring. He hadn't forgotten his stomach in his admiration of one Haibara Ai. "Well, are you done?" He asked, impatiently.

"I am," Was Haibara's cool response. Though she had softened up a bit without the fear of _them_ in her life, Haibara still had that quality about her; she still held that unapproachable coolness. He had learned she was quite popular with the boys. He felt a ping of jealousy arise. He shook his head, again feeling guilty.

'_I'm sorry, Ran. Forgive me…'_

He always seemed to be begging the deceased young woman for forgiveness, but he always told himself that she'd never forgive him. That she hated him for letting her die. Then why did he ask her forgiveness if he wanted her to hate him? He just didn't know. Conan sighed, brought back to the real world by his stomach.

Mitsuhiko was staring at him, oddly again; a glare was fixed on the other boy. "What?"

Mitsuhiko shook his head quickly, putting his hands up in an appeasing gesture. A nervous look encased the boy's face. "N- Nothing."

He looked back at Haibara, checking if she was still there, she was. Ayumi stood beside her now. They were all looking at him expectantly. "Ready?"

Ayumi nodded eagerly. He wondered if that crush she had on him before still remained, he hoped not. Conan pushed himself up, not checking to see if they followed, and walked out of the clothing store. The foot steps from behind told him he was followed. He froze…

A woman walked by, her long, brown hair flowing over her shoulders like a curtain of silk, a familiar woman whose mere appearance tore at his heart. He swore it stop beating for a second when her eyes landed on him. The angelic woman garbed in black paused. Familiar, yet unfamiliar blue eyes locked with his, Conan's breath was caught in his throat along with his voice. She smiled, but not a smile he knew matched that face.

'_Ran…?'_

"Conan-kun!"

He looked away, focusing on three faces, two of which full of concern, another hiding it. His eyes darted back to where that woman was, but she was gone. Just like that, gone without a trace. He wanted to run off looking for her, scream her name in hopes she'd come back. He more then anyone else, however, knew that she was dead.

He had been there with her lying limply on top of him as her heart beat faded.

After they had clipped the crows' wings (He didn't remember how they did that, however), it was far too late to save her. He knew she was dead and he tried not to get his hopes up that it might have been a dream. Seeing her though, seeing her standing there. It was too much to bear. It was her, wasn't it?

'_Just someone who looks like her… Or maybe my imagination.'_ He assured himself.

Ran was dead and he knew it better then anyone else.

"Edogawa-kun, are you alright?" Haibara piped up, "There's no one there."

He looked at her. Look at Haibara with eyes sad and dead, feeling the sting of tears. He knew she was… But he wanted hope that she might be alive. How he wanted to have hope she was alive. He pushed past the trio of concern and continued looking for a restaurant, pushing the sadness behind hunger.

When they had arrived at a restaurant and were seated, Conan sat by the window, staring out into the crowded mall. There was a part of him wanting to see the black clad angel again to confirm that she had been real. Another part, however, screamed that he was being an idiot. It screamed to him that he had been thinking of her so much now that they were in Beika he was imagining things. Conan just wanted his beautiful angel back.

The angelic orchid, for her name meant orchid, which made him feel so warm and so full of life when ever he basked in her radiant smile.

'_Ran…'_

The regret of returning to place in which he had grown up with her in welled up inside him. The stinging of tears built up in his eyes and Conan didn't care about the prying eyes he felt on him. He was so focused on the crowds, searching for her, that he could only hear faint muffled voices. Then, for the second time that day, his eyes widened. In the crowd, the black clad angel stood, watching him, but the look in the eyes was more sinister then what he would have though to find.

Again, the woman smiled at him, her lips moving, but the words unheard. "CONAN-KUN!"

He was reluctant to look away, though the woman he thought was her sent chills down his spin. Ayumi was pushing on his shoulder; he guessed they'd been trying to get his attention for sometime. He didn't want to look away, though. She might disappear. Conan didn't want her to.

Eventually he got annoyed with the force on his shoulder, shaking him about. His gaze snapped to Ayumi with a fierce light glimmering in them. "WHAT?!"

"Y- Y- you…" The girl stammered, trying to find the words that kept escaping her. She continued to fumble over her words, her eyes glistening. Was she about to cry? He smacked himself in his forehead, shaking his head. When girls cried, he always felt guilty, damn it.

His eyes moved back to the window, a forlorn sort of look on his face. He scanned the crowd for her. His fears were established when he didn't find her. She had disappeared once again. He looked back at Ayumi. "Sorry…"


	3. Withering mind?

_A/N: Thank you all again for all the reviews! They make me feel so confidant and happy that your all enjoying this story! Here's the third chapter for you. Enjoy and leave me reviews! You know how it goes. –Shakes reviews can.- _

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**_Withered orchid _**

**_Chapter three: _**_Withering mind? _

**_By: Kat-chan_**

* * *

Rays of sunlight sent tings of warmth across his skin, a welcomed sensation from the chilliness lingering after the downpour. Sunshine after the dreary rain, a cheery comfort to the sadness built up by it. Not to him, though. It was yet another painful remind of her, another thing to tear into his still aching heart. He hated all these damned reminders. 

Conan just wanted to forget about her so the hurt would go away. He wanted his amnesia to have been permanent so his heart wouldn't be torn apart anymore. He didn't want to suffer through the pain of living his life while she rested in a grave. Her sprit was probably watching him with hatred for causing her death. She had every right to, anyways.

_**She took off his glasses, looking closely at his face. Her smile grew, but knowingness filled it. "Ran-neechan…?" She cupped his cheek with a shaking hand, the other still clenching his tiny hand. Ran held herself up with her trembling elbow. The young woman lowered herself down, her lips brushing against his forehead.**_

"_**I love you…" The light in her eyes slowly faded, the life draining from her like her blood. "Goodbye…"**_

But why? Why, right before she died, did she say 'I love you' after kissing his forehead? What had been behind the knowingness that filled her last smile? He growled out his frustration and at his stupidity for pondering over something that only proceeded to rip at him more. Kicking at a nearby puddle now seemed like a bad idea as he slipped and landed on his behind.

"Itai," He grumbled, rubbing the tender area as he got to his feet. He really was an idiot. The regretful idea of 'Why did I come back' was starting to get old and annoying. The adolescent heaved out the heaviest sigh he could from deep in his lungs and continued on his way to the dreadful house that didn't help him forget anything. He sometimes wondered if burning the place down would help to eliminate one memory raiser.

He would quickly scold himself for thinking it for his mother and father would be very irritated with him. It wasn't that he feared wrath from them, but getting lectured by them and the fire department would be quite troublesome. Plus, the inferno might catch to other houses and hurt or kill innocent people. That'd be more things to tear at his mind until insanity finally came to take him away. Life was to damn distressing nowadays.

He needed something to kick, but kicking puddles would end with him getting wet and him falling on his bottom. He'd have to wait until he was 'home' to kick a soccer ball or something. Funny how kicking a soccer ball still worked for clearing his head as well as getting rid of his frustration. Kicking that black-and-white ball seemed like something natural to him now; he often wondered if he'd be undefeatable should he join a soccer team. He felt a bit cheerful now.

That died soon when he heard clumsy footsteps splashing about through the sodden streets. A group of people at least and it was likely they were following him. Spinning around, his eyes focused on Ayumi, Mitsuhiko and Haibara, they froze in mid-step. Conan's eyes narrowed on them. "Why are you following me?"

"We aren't following you, Edogawa-kun. I happen to _live_ next door to you," The young woman scoffed, rolling her eyes. His own eyes darted to the Ayumi and Mitsuhiko; however, before he could ask why they were with her, she beat him to it. "Ayumi and Mitsuhiko are going with me to my home. No one ever said they couldn't."

'_Didn't they say they had to be home for something?_' He raised an eyebrow in suspicion, but shrugged it away. What did he care? Facing forward, the second-time-teen turned around and continued on his way. The footsteps behind him were ignored, what more could they want from him anyways? He already agreed to re-befriend them in addition to spending the morning and most of the afternoon with them.

Why did he agree to re-befriend them anyways? Didn't he not want any interaction with them? Oh right, he couldn't put up with the endless begging after he let them called him 'Conan'. He didn't even know why he even let them called him by his first name to begin with. It was far too late now.

'Too late now' was also becoming very old and annoying now, too.

Eventually he was safe behind the gates of his house with the three-set footsteps no longer behind. Kicking off his shoes at the front door, he shut it behind him while gliding his feet in a set of slippers. He dragged is feet across the dusty floor, rising up a cloud of dust in their wake. He probably should clean his house for once, but he didn't feel any reason to. As soon as he reached the living room, he flopped onto the couch and reached for the remote.

_**Ding dong.**_

How nice, the door bell. He just got home for heaven's sake, why were there already people bothering him? Lifting himself up, he trudged off to answer the door. Throwing it open, two blue orbs narrowed into a glare at the threesome that lay behind it. "What do you want?" He hissed, dangerously.

"We're here to help you clean! Ai-chan says your house is probably all dirty," Ayumi raised a mop and broom he had just realized she had. His eyes had become tint slits as the moved over to Haibara. Beautiful or not, He really despised her right now. Conan would have really liked to sulk while watching TV not being bothered by two teens and one not-quite-a-teen-at-mind. Well, he could get the place cleaned without having to do anything himself, it was a perk, he guessed.

"Come on in," Stepping aside, he made an over exaggerated gesture for them to enter. The pair of teens excitedly bounded into the house (he had to quickly put out a couple set's a slippers for them). The bespectacled boy was amazed they remembered to take their shoes off and put the slippers on. Haibara was the only one to walk in civilly. The odd look she gave him, however, was something he didn't think was necessary.

"Wow, Ai-chan was right. Your house is mess!" Ayumi exclaimed after the first burst of dust flew up to greet them all. His daily path in, out, and around the house remained almost filth free, but dust had gathered everywhere else. Mitsuhiko was nodding his agreement with her, knelt down writing his name in the layer of dust spread over the floor. Haibara was shaking her head mumbling something he couldn't hear. "Well let's get to work then!"

"Yeah!" Mitsuhiko cheered, straightening his tall self out. The two set off into the halls of Conan's home, raising their brooms like the cleaning weapons they were.

"Umm… Why don't I show you around first before you go off cleaning?" The suggestion made them spin around with a cloud in toe, eyes glimmering brightly. He inhaled a _lovely_ lungful of dust and started coughing, now wondering if he shouldn't have let the place get so filthy. _'I'll have to keep it clean after this…'_

The tour began after that. It started with the first floor. When he led them to his library they reminisced about the old ghost story about the 'Etou' house that Conan had pointed out was 'Kudo'. "So, why are you staying at Shinichi-niisan's house, anyways, Conan?" The question arrived after their recollections. A question he knew would arise.

"Shinichi-niichan's parents adopted me," Was the rather harsh reply he gave them.

"Then why is your name is your family name still 'Edogawa'? Shouldn't you have Shinichi-niisan's family name instead?" Ayumi asked, cocking her head to the side. Another question he felt that'd be brought up. Did they have to keep bringing up 'Shinichi'? He hated his former name and hated his former self.

"'Edogawa' is more comfortable for me. Can you stop asking questions now?" He snapped with unnecessary ferocity. There was a glare from Haibara, but he didn't give it any attention. He turned his back to them, departing from the library and continuing the tour. He heard the chorus of footsteps behind him, assuring him that the trio was following. Conan was finding it interesting that Haibara was acting like she had never been inside his house before.

The exploration about the remainder of the house was ended at Conan's bedroom. At this point, Conan turned to them, focusing hard glare on Ayumi and Mitsuhiko. "I'll be in here, so don't bother me," He hissed, jerking a thumb towards the door which his bedroom lay behind. "Bye."

He was in his room with the door shut safely behind him before protests could leave either of Ayumi or Mitsuhiko's mouths. Making his way to his bed, he immediately found himself laying down, staring up at the ceiling with his hands tucked behind his head. He had been reminded of the black clad girl who he saw twice earlier that afternoon. The resemblance between her and Ran was unreal. He wondered if it had been her spirit haunting him or just some doppelganger.

If it had been a double, why did she lock eyes with him and smile when he first laid eyes on her? Also, what had she been mouthing to him with such a sinister look in her eyes the second time he saw her? Maybe it was her spirit haunting him or could it have all been in his mind? Maybe he was going crazy from the grief returning to Beika had churned up. So many questions and no one to answer them…

'_Ran, why did you have to follow me?'_

He wished life had turned out how he imagined after the Black organization fell more then ever. It hadn't and he was left to grieve for the woman he loved ever since he could remember. He was left to brood over the fact that he had, in a way, provoked her death. Damn them for taking her away from him! He glared at the picture frame he had unconsciously grabbed, eyes narrowed in slits at himself when he was Shinichi.

"It's your stupid detective's curiosity that started all her pain and ended with her death, Shinichi!" He mumbled, tears beginning to leak down his cheeks. His thumbs unintentionally pressed down on 'Shinichi's' face with enough force to break the glass that encased it. That ended with his thumbs being cut and staining the shards with his blood. He threw the picture when he felt sharp pain jolting through his thumbs.

"Self-destruction won't get you anywhere, Kudo-kun," He abruptly sat up, startled by the arrival of the young woman's voice. He never heard the door open… Damn. Haibara took a seat beside him, it was a surprise he could make out her form in the faint light allowed into the room from the drawn curtain. "Aren't you finished mourning her, Kudo-kun?"

"_Edogawa_," He corrected, harshly. The angered died soon and he started down at his shadowed hands. The dark liquid rolled down his thumbs collecting in his palms. He clenched his hands in fists, feeling the warm, sticky substance against his fingers. The pain seemed like nothing now. "No, I'll never stop mourning her. I don't know how… I can't."

He felt her grasp around his wrist and he was yanked to his feet. Haibara dragged him out of his bedroom and to the nearest bathroom. The bathroom lights flashed on, nearly blinding Conan, but he didn't get any time to adjust to the new brilliance. Haibara shoved his hands into the sink and turned the faucet on. Icy water poured down taking the blood with it as it fell off his hands and swirled down the drain.

He felt like a child for a third time.

A Band-Aid was placed on each thumb after his hands were cleaned up and dried. The young woman's grasp lingered on his wrist a few moments after, but it was eventually gone. A silence had remained unbroken as the two gazed at each other. It had been Haibara to break it. "Kudo-kun, would you please stop walking down this path of grief and self-destruction?"

"I'm not self-destructive!" He protested, looking down at his hands. "I didn't think the glass would break… I just didn't want to look at that face anymore…"

"Kudo-kun…" He felt soft lips brush his cheek and his gaze shot up just in time to watch her departing figure. Had she just…? Fingers lifting to the cheek the lips had touched; Conan felt the flesh burning from the blush that had lifted onto his face.

'_What… What was that all about?'_

* * *

For the next weeks there was awkwardness between him and Haibara, until they wordlessly agreed to forget Haibara had kissed him. Genta had returned to school in that time and tension built between them. It didn't last long when the boy learned Conan had reestablish friendship with them. Eventually it had become routine for him to spend the day doing something with the four of them. The current afternoon, however, had been one he spent by himself while the Detective Boys were on a case. 

The rush of pedestrians around him was as always, distant and ignored. His sneakers thumped soundlessly on the walkway beneath him, slowly bringing him along. The young adult's gaze was on the ground, examining the cracks along the pavement. There was a force which knocked him down, drawing his eyes on a familiar face. Their eyes locked for a long moment while her lips curled into a cruel smile.

"R- Ran-neechan?" The name left his lips before he could even think about it. As he gazed into the cold sapphires her eyes were, he shivered. He didn't want to continue looking into the cold depths of her eyes, but he was afraid if he looked away the black clothed woman would be gone again. He didn't want to lose her again, spirit or real thing, it didn't matter. No matter how much fear built up by looking into her eyes and seeing that cruel smile, he never looked away.

Her lips mouths words he couldn't make out, her eyes looking from his to something behind him. This cause him to look away from her to search for whatever it was she had been looking at. There was nothing and when he looked back to her, she was gone again. What has she said and what was she looking at? Was she real or was he going mad to the point he was actually bumping into things that didn't exist?

He needed the answers, but there was no one to give them to him…


	4. Withering mind? Part 2

_A/n: Before I start, I'd like to thank everyone for reviewing and AmunRa, I wish I did have a beta, but I do not. I'll try harder to catch all my mistakes, though. _

_Sorry for taking so long to get this out, writers block attacked. I got it out, however, and here's chapter four. Hope you enjoy. Leave a review? –Shakes tin can.- _

**Disclaimers:** I seemed to have forgotten about this for the other chapters. I do not own Detective Conan.

* * *

**_Withered Orchid _**

**_Chapter four:_**_ Withering mind? Part two _

**_By: Kat-chan_**

* * *

The dissonant winds howled against the windowpane, creating an eerie melody to the moonless night. Shadows had swathed the Kudo house with ominous fingers, aiding the winds in its fearful task. Nightmares had plagued one Edogawa Conan's dreams, keeping him awake at so deep in the midnight. Hands tucked under his head, covers wrapped tightly around his torso and down, the glasses-lacking adolescent stared off at the ceiling of his bedroom. The woman he loved so running through his mind.

The darkness warped an image of her his mind created on the ceiling, sending chills down his spine. The woman, who looked so much like her, yet was so dark and menacing, had it really been her? Had it been Ran's spirit darkened by hatred towards him? He removed a hand from under the warmth of his silky, dark hair, reaching up to the image with a desire to save it from being tarnished by the dark. Like always, he was too late.

He was left staring at the face of the woman who held such a resemblance to Ran. Left to wonder if it had really been her spirit or something his mind had created to punish him. A doppelganger had been entirely ruled out; no way would a stranger do anything like the woman he saw those three times did. Answers were something he wanted desperately. No one could give them to him though and seeking the truthful answers was a detective's thing.

He wasn't a detective anymore and he didn't want to start being one again. What good had it been, anyways? It got him involved with a dangers crime organization, had him relive a second childhood, and got Ran killed. The good things seemed minimized by these three facts, most of all, Ran's death. "Ran… I'm so sorry…"

Tears stung at his eyes, but he didn't bother to hold them back. No one could see nor could anyone visit him so late at night. He allowed the pain to flow with his tears, but unlike the tears his hurt couldn't dry up. His tears could only water it down, attempting to make it bearable. His other hand was removed from beneath his head as he rolled over towards the nightstand where both his glasses and picture frames lay.

Teary eyes narrowed into the darkness at the still broken glass that encased over the portrait of his old self, Shinichi. They were just inky splotches in the grayed background, but he knew where they were well enough to aim a tearful glare at his old self. Shinichi, the one who caused Ran so much pain and whose damn detective dreams lead to the miserable future Conan was left to live in. He hated Shinichi even if it was himself. It didn't matter.

Ran must hate him too, both of his selves…

* * *

The morning had dragged on far too slowly for one exhausted and irritable second-time sixteen year old. Three consecutive, sleepless nights and the boring chattering of the teacher had aided in making the day seem longer then it really was. The unconscious strain of keeping his mind aware and focused had developed a heavy throbbing in the back of his skull. These feeding into Conan's already foul mood which the Detective Boy's learned of the hard way. The outburst earned him a bit of threatening from Genta, though. 

It had become very annoying. Although Ayumi and Mitsuhiko had promised to put up with his moodiness in order to address him by his first name, Genta hadn't. Also, considering that Ayumi and Mitsuhiko had spent more time with Conan then Genta, they had learned to put up with Conan's irritability. Thus, they never really bothered him when he'd snap or get angry at them, Genta on the other hand would. This posed a very large, annoying problem.

Genta, as he always had been, was much larger than Conan. That in mind, Conan knew that he didn't stand a chance should a fight break out between the two. The bespectacled young adult had tried to avoid tension with the larger teen for that very reason. That meant continually trying not to snap at the girl who held Genta's affections since childhood and acting as sociable as possible around him. However, trying to be friendly with the larger of them proved quite hard lately.

Particularly when his mood was at its worse, feed by fresh grief arisen by an approaching anniversary. An anniversary, one so painful to his already aching heart, on a day that should have been a celebration for both Haibara and himself, but wasn't. There'd be no merriment on that day. Instead it was a day of grieving for a young woman who shouldn't have died. A day meant to be reminded of his guilt.

Hands shoved casually in his pockets, Conan walked his daily path home, the familiar sights flooding his vision and reminding him more and more of things that pained him. The chattering of the Detective Boys, the group which he had refused to join, but befriended, was absent from behind him. He had avoided them for the rest of the day, wishing to avoid any fighting between him and Genta. He was glad they had a case or it wouldn't have been so easy. He had a silent walk home, besides the songs of the birds playing through the air.

That, however, was broken by a very familiar explosion when he was near his residence. His gaze flickered towards the house which's gate he stood outside, a thick pillar of gray smoke spilt from a new hole in the wall. A pudgy, soot-covered old man stepped through the hole, coughing up a storm through the smoke. A small smile found itself on Conan's lips. Why did that old inventor have that effect on him?

"So what blew up today, Agasa-hakase?" Conan questioned, pushing through the gates leading to the courtyard of Agasa's estate. Closing the distance between him and the elder man, Conan could clearly see how little the inventor had changed, although it was difficult to make out much of his grimy face. Seeing him all covered in ash from an invention blowing up on him brought memories back. Some memories pained him, but he pushed those away.

"Conan-kun!" Conan was relieved to be called by his new name, not his old, hated name; Haibara must have told him how he hated the reminder of his old self. "I was working on another creation to revolutionize the modern world! The tests were going so well before it…"

"Before it exploded," Conan finished, letting out a fit of laughter. It had been too long since he laughed or even smiled… His mother would have been jumping with joy if she'd been there. Would Ran be happy too? No, she wouldn't, he had convinced himself she hated him for being the cause of her premature death. "It's been a long time. How have you been?"

"I've been great! Though, living with Ai-kun and her strict diet is very troublesome," Agasa laughed away, but it soon died as he seemed to have noticed something. One of his thick hands rested on one of Conan's shoulders. "You look terrible. Have you been getting enough sleep, Conan-kun?"

"Hey, Hakase…? Do you think Ran's spirit would haunt me in the afterlife?" It had become too painful; the second-time teen couldn't look at Agasa anymore. When Agasa's hand removed itself from his shoulder and a few silent moments passed, Conan grew afraid to gaze at him. Why was he so silent? Why…?

"Shinichi…" That name. Damn it, why did Agasa have to call him by that detestable name? His hands balled into fists, teeth clenched, and eyes narrowing. Back now to the elder man, Conan started to the gate. Had everyone planned to remind him of his past, hated self?

"I'm not Shinichi, Hakase. I'm Edogawa Conan. I hate Shinichi," The venom hadn't been intended, but at that moment, Conan could have cared less. As he passed the gate, Conan's gaze shifted back to a stunned Agasa. Guilt washed over him, his anger fading away, blacked out by sorrow. Why hadn't things turned out the way he dreamed when the crows' wings were clipped? "I'm sorry, Agasa, but Shinichi died with Ran…"

Why did Ran have to die?

* * *

The sky had been considerably darkened by thick rain clouds; leaving behind a feeling that day was long since past. The reality was it was barely past noon. The bespectacled youth stood before a tombstone among tombstones, gazed focused on the letters imprinted into its stony surface. 'Mouri Ran' peaked out through the many, assorted bouquets of flowers stacked against and around the cold stone. She had many people who admired and cared about her and it was his fault she was gone…

Tears had soaked the young adults face as he stood there, staring off at her grave. A grave he should have been in instead of her. He shouldn't have evaded death all those times he had; she'd be alive if he hadn't been around. Would she miss him if both Shinichi and Conan disappeared from her life? Probably, but what if she knew she would've died because of him one day or that Conan and Shinichi, at the time, were the same person?

Would other people hate him if they knew that because of him such a wonderful woman was gone?

"_**Ojisan…" His voice came out weaker then he had liked. **_

"_**You!**__**" He repeated, pointing an accusing finger at him. He was lifted to his feet, suddenly, thrown against a wall. "It's all your fault!! It's your fault she's gone! If you never came into her life, she'd still be alive! You damn brat! She dead because of you!"**_

Would they react like Kogoro had, only without the kind words and fatherly look afterwards? Eyes becomes watery slits, Conan pictured the invented hate that'd be aimed at him from everybody who cared for Ran. He allowed the images of accusing fingers aimed and hateful words screamed at him to flow though his mind. _Her_ face surfaced into his mind then, the dark sparkle in her eyes sending a shiver down his spine. _'I'm sorry for not remembering you on your funeral…'_

Coldness seeped into the knees of his jeans, tingeing his flesh beneath the rough, blue fabric. His fingernails dug into the dirt, tangling into the blades of grass. The tears were flowing harder now as heavy sobs shook his body. He let the river of tears flow with the guilt he had been feeling since his memories had returned. _'Sorry won't do, will it, Ran? You must hate me more then anything… Everyone else would too…'_

"Kudo! Kudo, is that you? Wow, I never thought I'd see you here!" Conan looked up with wide eyes at the dark-skinned adult dressed in black looming above him with a bunch of flowers clenched in his hand. His eyes narrowed sharply when realization hit. He had called him 'Kudo'. Typical of Hattori Heiji though. Damn it, why did everyone have to remind him of his loathed old self.

"Hello Heiji-niichan," He greeted, icily. The glare he had fixed on the Osaka-ben speaking adult had never softened and he took pleasure when he saw Hattori wince. There was a silence as the two started at each other. It was Conan to break the silent stare off, watery gaze back on the grave. "Next time address me by my name, Edogawa Conan. I'm not the 'Kudo' you knew. Kudo Shinichi died, Heiji-niichan. That bastard died!"

Conan was tugged to his feet by the back of his shirt, gagged by his collar, and spun around only for his cheek to meet with a tanned fist. Conan hit the moist ground, feeling the cold again seep through his clothing as he propped himself up with his elbows. A strange sort of smile curled onto his lips. "This is the third time I've been hit since I came back to Japan. Is there some kind of target somewhere on me that I can not see? Or is it that people just enjoy hitting me?"

Rubbing his pained cheek, he took in the strange look that been placed over Hattori's fuming features. A forced, pained-sounding laugh rolled out of Conan's throat. He didn't know why he was laughing; maybe he had finally gone insane. If he had, why could he admit it? Why did he care?

That laughter soon died away and a look of shock took place on his paled, tear-stained face. Behind Hattori stood the black clad woman, as sinister as she ever was and looking as beautiful as Ran always had been. Only a look of disappointment was glimmering in her eyes. When she noticed that he saw her, her lips moved forming soundless words. "R- Ran…"

"What are you talking about? Kudo?" Hattori had turned his head; Conan was now looking past more dark hair towards the woman who looked like Ran. Did he see her too? He saw the tanned flesh on Hattori's face again then the man's face up close, looking into his eyes. Conan's eyes narrowed, he tried to push Hattori out of the way. "There's no one behind me, Kudo!"

"Are you blind?! Ran… or someone that looked like he was standing right behind you, she was mouthing something! I saw her!" He nearly screamed, pushing Hattori away. His eyes moved where the woman stood, she was gone again. He pounded his fist into the ground, feeling more tears pour down his face. "Damn it! She's gone again! What was she saying…? Damn it!"

"Kudo… No one was there."

* * *

_**Confused blue eyes hidden behind the glare on black-rimmed glasses stared at the slick, wooden casket. As the dirt was shoveled over it, he looked around towards the sobbing people. Was he supposed to cry too, though he didn't remember who that woman was or the people around him crying away? Why couldn't he remember anything? Why? **_

_**When he would try to pry into the void of memories, his head would begin to throb and consciousness would leave. Why was that? Had something terrible happen that his mind felt need to take away all memories? Comforting arms were wrapped around his tiny body and he looked up into the sad eyes of the woman who said she was his mother. Why did he suddenly feel so hollow? **_

"_**Kaasan…? Who's this funeral for, anyways? " He whispered, but his words brought fresh tears to fill her eyes. Her face disappeared from his view, but he heard her sobbing and felt her hot tears on his neck. One of her black clothed arms lifted away and her hand ran through his hair. She didn't speak, but after some times she appeared to calm herself down. "K- Kaasan?"**_

"_**Mouri Ran, Conan-chan…"**_


	5. Painful love

_A/N: Please forgive the lateness of this chapter, after many writers' blocks and homework occupied nights, I finally got this finished. I'm sorry I made you all wait. I hope this was worth the wait, enjoy. Another chapter for five reviews as always. –Shakes tin can.- _

**Disclaimers: **I do not, as much as I wish I did, own Detective Conan.

* * *

**_Withered Orchid _**

**_Chapter Five: _**_Painful love_

**_By: Kat-Chan_**

* * *

The birds sung in the trees, the whistles and chirps that made up their songs flooding the morning. It was morning, he was sure it was, though the room remained gloomy, lit only by the little light seeping past the curtains. He stared at the still curtains edged by the morning glow, a shadow passing by, probably a bird's. His eyes had remained fixed on the curtain-hidden windowpane since consciousness had returned to him. The last memory in his mind was at Ran's grave, but that couldn't have been the same day as this new one. 

When did he pass out and how did he get home?

What did he care? Conan let the shadowed activities of the birds captivate him, until he heard a door click open. The scratchy sound of slippers dragged closer and he reluctantly looked towards them. Standing above his bed was Haibara Ai with a tray in her grasp. "Glad you're awake, Edogawa-kun."

"What time is it?" He groaned, realizing the presence of an ache in his body that wasn't there before. That wasn't all he realized either, his stomach felt like it was closing in on itself. With all the noise it was making it was difficult for the second-time adolescent not to wonder what the contents of the tray were. He knew there was food of some kind from the smell wafting down, but his groggy mind couldn't figure out what the familiar smell was. He wasn't all too concerned with Haibara's presence in his home at the present.

"Ten o'clock. You've been sleeping like a rock since Hattori brought you home yesterday. Have you been getting enough sleep?" The concern in her voice was still really freaky to the ex-detective who had grown used to the uncaring, coolness that had been ever-present in her voice. That was years ago, however, when she was living in fear of the Black organization while working on the antidote for the poison she created.

It shouldn't have freaked him out so much that she'd loosen up a bit with their fall, though.

"Four or five days without sleep, I think," This remarked earned him a strange look from the strawberry blonde young woman. He forced a smile, still wondering about the contents of the tray. Did she have to hold it above him so he couldn't see what was on it? He propped himself up with his elbows, trying to get a peak, Haibara wouldn't have that though. She must have wanted him to explain his words a little more. "I guess it's been because of the nightmares I had after seeing her the third time…"

"Her?" She raised an eye brow, setting the tray down for him at last.

He greedily took the breakfast she had prepared, chopping up pieces of the French toast with his fork (which he discovered what was hidden on the tray); he dipped them in syrup before shoving his mouth full. There was no answer to her inquiry until he washed down his third mouthful. The fork dropped beside the plate, his eyes narrowed before the words came. "Ran's spirit, I think… I'm not sure, but I know it can't be someone who looks like her. She looked at me, smiling with something dark there…"

"Maybe you're imagining it, Edogawa-kun… You have been a bit…" He felt Haibara's gaze burning into him as his fingers tangled into the fabric of his sheets. There was no way he was imagining it! Damn it, the third time he saw her, he had bumped into her. No way could his imagination be so real… It had to be her spirit or something; then again, spirits had no forms so it had to be something.

"I've been a bit _what_, Haibara?" He hissed, glaring defiantly at her. Why couldn't she at least comfort him instead of always being so useless? Wasn't she suppose to be his friend, didn't friends try to help the other instead of passing off something like seeing a ghost as delusion? "I wasn't imagining _anything_ either, Haibara. I bumped into her the third time and she said something, but… There were no words. Damn it, what did she say then and at the graveyard?"

"You've been blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault, Kudo-kun! Hating and discarding the fact that you're Kudo Shinichi, letting yourself suffer in the mourning of Mouri-san's death. What reason would she haunt you? You grew up with her, was she ever a hateful person that would ever haunt anyone in death? Damn it, Kudo-kun, stop being such an idiot and see the truth like you use to!" He just stared, wondering how she yelled that all out in one breath.

"Haibara… Why do you even care?" He asked slowly, finally finding his voice. It had been something he had been wondering since the time she had told him to 'get over it' on the roof of the school. Her debt to him had been repaid, though he never took the antidote because there was no need for it once it was finished. He didn't see a reason for her care. So why?

"I love you, Kudo-kun."

* * *

He had waited wordlessly, staring at the young woman before, him waiting for her to say 'just kidding' as she always had when she said anything of the sort. It never came, however. When Haibara suddenly left afterwards, Conan was left to gape into space, shocked from the words. Well, not 'left' exactly, not even a few minutes after Haibara left, Hattori Heiji popped in for a visit. The second-time adolescent was really hoping the detective would have gone home by now… 

Hattori was there, nonetheless, and Conan was forced to spend the day with him.

It wouldn't have been so bad if the Osaka-born detective wasn't calling him 'Kudo' every time he addressed him. It was annoying, really. Especially when he tried correcting Hattori only to earn a thump on the head, it never soothed the frustration that had developed after Haibara's words. Why did he ever get along with this detective in the first place? Right, they got along, barely, when Kudo Shinichi was still apart of Conan.

The ex-detective walked the fresh waterlogged sidewalk with the Kansai Detective. It wasn't a 'pleasant' walk either. Conan kept a few feet's distance away from the hot-tempered Hattori with his arms held defensively over his head. Why'd Hattori have to hit so hard, did he want to give Conan a concussion? Another fist swung to Conan's head.

"What the hell?!" He hissed rubbing his head as the fist managed to hit its target, damned persistent Detective. The bespectacled boy was wondering if being hit by Kogoro all those years ago wasn't so bad. Conan was beginning to wish he never agreed to hang out with Hattori, even if he didn't have a choice. So very annoying. "Why can't you just call me by my name and not that bastard Kudo's name? Kudo Shinichi died, damn it. Ow!"

"You are Kudo, idiot!" Conan watched the detective's fist return to his side, before his eyes hardened on the man's face. Why couldn't anyone just let him live his life as Conan and allow him to hate Kudo Shinichi? It wasn't hard. Well, Hattori made everything hard, but he had to be competent enough to except that. "You were born Kudo Shinichi, not Edogawa Conan!"

"I don't care, _Heiji-niichan_! I really don't," The words leaked with every bit of venom Conan could muster. His patience was gone and he no longer wanted anything to do with the idiot detective. The adolescent wanted to be left alone, He couldn't put up with the annoyances anymore! "I'm Edogawa Conan now, I don't care who I was before. Kudo Shinichi, the damned bastard whose existence led to Ran's death, is dead. If you're not going to accept it, leave me the hell alone, _Heiji-niichan_!"

Couldn't anyone acknowledge that he couldn't be Kudo Shinichi without Ran?

He trudged off after that, ignoring any protests Hattori might have made. He wasn't Kudo Shinichi, the Great Detective of the East, who Hattori Heiji had befriended and called a rival. He was Edogawa Conan, semi-normal teen who was adopted into the Kudo family and probably going insane from his grief over his Ran-neechan. Why was it starting to feel like everyone was trying to force him to be Kudo Shinichi? Was it so bad to be just Conan?

The blended chattering of the crowds surrounding him filled his hearing, his hands slipping into his pockets as it had become habit. He wanted to leave Japan once more. Things had become to bothersome now, however, Haibara… Her confession, why did it mean something to him? He loved Ran didn't he? Wouldn't she hate him more if he loved another after being the cause of her death?

'I love you', Ran's dying words; they're aim lost with her faded life. Had they been for Kudo Shinichi when he still existed as a part of Conan or Edogawa Conan the fake identity turned real and 'little brother' Ran always wanted and took care of when she lived? He'd never know. He did, however, know that Haibara's words were for him. Damn it, why did she have to say those words without the 'just kidding' at the end?

Ironically, deep in the back of his mind, he wanted to hear those words from Haibara and that admittance made him feel even guiltier. Would Ran hate him even more to know this? He didn't know anymore. Haibara had given him a speech before the confession of her love for him. A sentence from that speech played through his mind.

"_You grew up with her, was she ever a hateful person that would ever haunt anyone in death?"_

He did grow up with her… even if that was when he acknowledged being Shinichi. Ran was always so kindhearted and she never was one to seek revenge or hate a person. Those were different circumstances. He had gotten Ran killed and lied to her about his true identity before Edogawa Conan had become himself, he never even got chance to tell her the truth or his feelings. She had every right to hate him.

"Ran…"

"Still sulking. You're so Pathetic, Kudo-kun," His gaze shot up, moving towards the voice of one Haibara Ai. That same softness occupied her eyes, though her tone had been as he was use to it. She had really changed so much, yet somehow remained the same. He found it utterly amazing how she managed this. He again found himself admiring the beauty that this young woman possessed.

"H- Haibara? What are you doing here?" He stammered. When her words finals sunk in, however, his surprised turned to anger. His eyes narrowed down on her. The second time adolescent didn't care how beautiful she was. "I'm not 'pathetic' and stop it with the 'Kudo', I'm Edogawa Conan. CO—N--AN. It's not hard to remember."

He should have accepted being called 'Kudo', his parents had adopted him. Edogawa Conan should have been Kudo Conan, the replacement of the memory called Shinichi. The surname was too painful for him to take, though; it was much to close to him being Shinichi… Damn it, things were complicated and far, far too agonizing. Why did Shinichi have to follow that man in black?

It was all that bastards fault…

"I hate you, Shinichi… Die." He knew the speaker of that malicious voice. The many years that had passed and his past amnesia hadn't taken away the memories of that voice. The difference in its tone didn't matter either, that was her voice. It was her, Ran... He spun around to see her.

Things sounded distant and everything seemed to be going to slow as his eyes met hers on that moment. Pain erupted from his abdomen, propelling him back. Gasp filled the air along with screeching tires, and then something hit him hard, smacking him violently in the air. His body smashed against something and rolled along its mass, meeting something else hard after the end, the road he guessed. The numbness his felt throughout the ordeal became pain and soon things started to go black…

"Edogawa-kun!!!"

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_**Sunlight battered his eyes once he had lifted his eyelids, He squinted into the brilliance. He was outside, the cold grass itching his exposed arms confirming that. The reason he was outside escaped him. His head felt so fuzzy and throbbed like someone had hit him, he didn't remember if anyone had, though. He rubbed his face. **_

_**It was wet… Was he… crying? **_

"_**Oh, Shin-chan!!!" He was scooped into the arms of a familiar woman. Who was this woman and who was 'Shin-chan'? Wait… realization hit him, this was his mother (Though he never knew who this 'Shin-chan' was). The boy hadn't an intimation why this woman, his mother, was so hysterical. Nothing was really registering much in his mind anyways.**_

"_**Kassan? What's wrong? Why are you crying and who's 'Shin-chan'?" It wasn't the smartest thing to say, he suppose, because his mother started sobbing more. Was that his name? He could recall it, damn. 'Shin-chan', it sounded familiar, but at the same time it made his head feel worse. He tried to rub his head, but was constricted by his mother's arm.**_

"_**Don't worry about it, Conan-chan…" She finally spoke, but her voice shook. Conan… Shin-chan, which was his name? They both sounded like they should be his, but both didn't feel right. One felt rejected, the other felt fake. It was so, so confusing, until recollection hit, clearing his head. **_

_**Conan was his name or he hoped it was.**_

_**That was really all he remembered, this woman was his mother and he name had to be Conan. He was starting to think maybe something did hit him and hard, but he knew it wasn't that. He wished he knew the reason he couldn't remember. Knowing why his head hurt when he thought about his memories would be helpful. The eight year old look up t his mother, **_

"_**Kassan? I can't remember anything, is something wrong with me?"**_

_**Another stupid thing to say… Her grip tightened around him, he felt her fingers running through his hair. He barely felt her straighten to a stand, so soothed by her touch. Something told him that she wasn't behaving like usual self, but he wasn't very concerned by it. "I'm taking you to the hospital, okay, Conan-chan?"**_

"_**Uhh… Okay…"**_


	6. Reviving End

_A/N: Long time no update, Sorry about that. My computer decided to die and I lost everything… I even lost my inspiration, but I found it again and here is the final chapter of Withered Orchid. Enjoy and leave a review! -Shakes review can-_

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Detective Conan

**_

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**_Withered Orchid_**

_**Chapter Six:** _Reviving End

**_By: Kat-Chan_**

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"Shinichi!" The voice which seeped though the darkness of sleep was angry and strained, sounding as though it were spoken through gritted teeth. Awareness came slowly; however, when he felt something soft under palm, he was fully awake in a matter of seconds. In the next second he was up, back pressed to a mesh wall, hands up defensively against the wrathful Karate champion. Before Ran's fury could be released onto the mystery fanatic, the car of the Ferris wheel they were in rocked to a halt and out ran Shinichi before the gate had fully opened. "Pervert!"

"Honestly, Ran I didn't mean it!" He screamed after him, apologetically.

Only when the Ferris wheel with the words 'Tropical Land' in green bubble letters attached to its side had been put behind them did Ran begin to calm down. Shinichi's apologies, however, didn't cease when Ran's anger had cooled. He eventually ended his apologizing and turned towards the subject of his favorite novel character, Sherlock Holmes as usual. "Look, Shinichi! There's still room on the Mystery coaster. Let's go!"

As Shinichi started off after Ran to said ride, he froze. His azure gaze rested on a group of children, six in total. Four of which were boys and the two remaining were girls, however, it was only two of those children that really fascinated him. They were a strawberry blond girl and the bespectacled boy beside her who resembled himself as a child. The pair walked far behind the trio talking in hushed voices with serious expressions. "Shinichi?"

"Ran-neechan, don't those—"

"Neechan?! What's wrong with you?" Ran snapped walking towards him, away from the rollercoaster's entrance just as two men clad entirely in black pushed their way into it. She pressed her hand beneath his bangs, onto his forehead. Her action had distracted his view from the group of kids and when he glanced back they were gone. He stared in astonishment. "Do you have a fever?"

"Ran, did you see… Those… Kids…?" He questioned slowly, suddenly feeling very lightheaded and pained. However, he still searched around for those children… they were so familiar. Where had he seen them before, had it been on the way to school one morning? No, it felt like he knew them, like they had been his friends or something… Everything was starting to become fuzzy.

"_Wake up! Please wake up…"_

"I am awake," He muttered rubbing his, now, throbbing head. Whose voice was that and where had he heard it before? It too was as familiar as those kids. Ran's concern face now loomed over him now, her hands reaching out to him at she slowly rose above him. Her lips were moving without sound… why couldn't he hear her?

"_Edogawa-kun… Edogawa-kun!!"_

What was going on and who was 'Edogawa-kun'? He now started at Ran whose angelic face now looked pained as it no longer rose, but fell toward him. He swore he was on the ground now and felt something warm and sticky splashing over him. He discovered it was blood when Ran's form had collapsed over him. A dark clad man with dark blonde hair now stood over him with his cold green eyes gleaming down at Shinichi with the barrel of a gun aimed at the detective.

In the next moment he found himself with that very gun in his grasp, arms sore, and standing over the bleeding, lifeless body of that man. Had he just shot and murdered that man…? Shinichi hadn't an idea about what had recently occurred. He did know, however, that he felt sick, yet somehow victorious and satisfied. There was a metallic clang which echoed in his ears as everything turned black.

"Jeez, Shinichi!" The dark-haired detective's eyes shot open finding himself in a bed dressed in white sheets in a room that smelled of antiseptic, most likely the medical station at Tropical Land. Ran sat at his bedside with an expression of annoyance which masked over the concern gleaming in her eyes. He looked at her and smiled one of his goofy smiles. She shook her head, but smiled for him anyways. "You should have told me you weren't feeling well. I wouldn't have forced you to come if I knew."

"I was feeling fine before I saw those kids!" He grumbled rubbing his head. Shinichi thought back to the nightmare his feverish mind had induced, but… he couldn't remember anything that had happened in it. There was one thing he could remember about it, Ran collapsing on him drenching him in a flood of her blood. Could it have been a premonition or just a bad dream? The high school detective decided to push the thought to the back of his mind.

"Hello, Mouri-san, has Kudo-san awakened?" The voice seemed all too familiar, but somehow he didn't recognize it. He glanced over at the wall of curtains where a strawberry blonde woman peaked through conversing with Ran. That nurse looked like an older version of the girl he had seen before he had passed out. Her voice, though, he had heard in his dream! Ran and the nurse both glanced at him.

"Ed_ogawa-kun, wake up…"_

"My name is Shinichi Kudo! Not Edogawa!" He shouted earning him confused looks from both of the young women around him. Ran walked over to him, her complexion darkening along with her full appearance. The woman he secretly loved seemed to become a vengeful ghoul right before his eyes. That sudden transformation sent shivers of fear down his spine, but that wasn't all it did…

"_**I hate you, Shinichi… Die." He knew the speaker of that malicious voice. The many years that had passed and his past amnesia hadn't taken away the memories of that voice. The difference in its tone didn't matter either, that was her voice. It was her, Ran... He spun around to see her.**_

_**Things sounded distant and everything seemed to be going to slow as his eyes met hers on that moment. Pain erupted from his abdomen, propelling him back. Gasp filled the air along with screeching tires, and then something hit him hard, smacking him violently in the air. His body smashed against something and rolled along its mass, meeting something else hard after the end, the road he guessed. The numbness his felt throughout the ordeal became pain and soon things started to go black…**_

"_**Edogawa-kun!!!"**_

He screamed, backing away from the ghoulish form of his childhood friend.

"_**You've been blaming yourself for something that wasn't your fault, Kudo-kun! Hating and discarding the fact that you're Kudo Shinichi, letting yourself suffer in the mourning of Mouri-san's death. What reason would she haunt you? You grew up with her, was she ever a hateful person that would ever haunt anyone in death? Damn it, Kudo-kun, stop being such an idiot and see the truth like you use to!" He just stared, wondering how she yelled that all out in one breath.**_

Suddenly whiteness engulfed the room and all that remained was the nurse. She stared at him with eyes full of worry and love, it surprised him. He didn't even know who that young woman was, but…did he really not know who she was? She was so familiar and he felt like he knew her maybe even loved her. How could he have loved a woman who he never met, though?

"_**I love you, Kudo-kun."**_

"Haibara Ai," He muttered, not really knowing what he was saying until the words had left his lips. The strawberry blonde smiled as she faded into the whiteness. He reached out to her, but she was already and another had taken her place. The beautiful angel that was Ran had replaced the emptiness Haibara left when she vanished. She frowned at him and shook her head.

"Really, Shinichi. I die and you practically get yourself killed," Ran grumbled. He stared at her stunned at those words. Was he…dead? She closed the gap between him, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Your heart stopped, but the paramedics started it again. So, I guess that means you died, but you're live again. It's confusing, but I'm not here to tell you this."

"I—"

"It's alright, Shinichi. I'll forgive you, but only if you don't mess up this time," Shinichi grabbed Ran, holding her close in his arms. He pressed his lips to hers and they kissed with all the love they shared. Shinichi wished it could have lasted forever, but pulled away at the memory of Haibara… "It's time for you to wake up, she is waiting. I love you, Shinichi. Good bye."

"I love you too…" Shinichi cried as she vanished and the whiteness turned black…

"_**Wake up, please…"**_

He opened his eyes as a warm tear splattered on his stinging cheek and trickled down his raw skin. Blurred figures moved around him, but he couldn't make anything out until his vision cleared. He saw a beautiful strawberry blonde woman standing over her, grasping his hand as tear streamed down her face. Her puff reddened gaze widened when he squeezed her hand in his and smiled up at her. "I'm awake, Haibara…"

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End file.
